I Hate-Love You
by constantlycaitlyn
Summary: Kayla hated Deidara, with such a passion that she couldn't figure out her feelings for him before it was too late. Could she really live with her feelings or is she going to deny it to the ends of the earth? DeidaraxOC; Rated M for Obvious Reasons :)


**Before this begins.. I have no idea what I'm getting myself into. I wrote Fanfction when I was 12 and now that I'm 18, I suddenly have this urge to write again. My writing style has completely changed and I feel that I can more effectively portray myself as a writer now than I could before. I'm so sorry, the first couple chapters are going to be kind of slow. The reason being is because I'm tired of instantly reading a fanfiction and they already have feelings for one another and by chapter 6 they are** **in love and fucking. That really isn't how life works. (:**

* * *

I hate him.

I hate the way his hair falls down his back, completely straight, with absolutely no effort at all. I hate the way he never considers anyone's feelings but his own. I hate the way he can never seem to keep himself in check, saying things before thinking, doing stupid shit for nobody's benefit (not even his own,) and running around like he owns everything. I hate the way his skin is so perfectly smooth and just the right in-between shade of pale and tan. It's like he hasn't ever had a bad day in his life, no matter how much shit goes wrong. This kid literally fails his classes and finds himself completely okay with the credit recovery classes at the end of the day.

At least, that's what I can gather from staring at him from the back of my classroom almost daily. It makes me sound like such a creep, but the way his personality is, he's almost always the center of attention. It makes me jealous, as I barely have enough presence to make people notice me as I walk into the room. He has a laugh that seems to have come from god himself, the contagious kind that never has an ugly sound.

"Deidara?" The voice interrupts my thoughts.

I hadn't even noticed he was sleeping as Mr. Hatake began to try and wake him up, Deidara's head only moved to the side lazily.

"Deidara, come on. This is the second time this week, you do realize there's a reading test coming up, right?"

"Deidara, hey."

"Deidara…"

"DEIDARA!" He screeched, whamming his hand down on the desk.

His head shot up immediately at the notion, I could only imagine what his face looks like from here, but I'm assuming it's dazed, drooling, and pathetic.

"Huh?"

I hate the way his voice sounds, even when he's tired it still turns out to be deep and resounding in the room.

"Could you read from where Sakura left off, please?" The teasing in Hatake's voice was evident.

I didn't care to listen to the rest of the conversation, or even bother listening to him attempt to read the words on the page, as I glanced out upon the cloudy day unfolding out the windows.

I suppose hatred wasn't right to feel towards him, I found myself sighing at my revelation. As someone who hates talking in classes, I had more time to think at this school than anywhere else... I'm a pessimist at heart, if you can't tell from my dialogue of mistaken hatred about the yellow haired _thing_ at the front of my classroom. I'd say it was more jealousy than hatred, he's the most gorgeous guy I've ever seen and it pisses me off, but then again, looking at him was enough to get my blood boiling. I wish I had a word for how I felt about him, I felt myself scowling out the window.

"Kayla?"

 _Fuck._

"Hmm?" I slowly turned my attention towards Hatake, who probably had one of the most striking appearance of any teacher I had ever met. The silver hair, the usual business casual he pulled off so effortlessly and messily as he could, and the scar across his eye that seemed to run miles on his face. He was someone you wouldn't want to fuck with, but here I was, pushing the boundaries of his one rule, pay attention.

"Care to tell us what's on your mind, since you can't seem to pay attention worth shit today?" He cruelly remarked, his face stoic as he demanded some sort of answer. He was also one of those teachers, who gave less than two fucks about cussing. He claims it's, "overrated."

"It's Monday." I felt the heat rush to my face the second I blurted out the stupidest answer I had thought of. I was already pale as shit, with a pink undertone to match, so when it comes to blushing I'm the queen.

"From your face, it looks like it was definitely something else. Please tell me." The stoic face remained, with a twinge of a devilish sense of humor that only a true dick could muster up. Everyone was staring, waiting for the apparent story to unfold.

"You can't pull her out of the crowd when the rest of us are barely listening either." Sakura spoke up from two seats in front of me, with a voice duller than dirt. I felt my heart calm down in pace, but the disappointment plagued me. I wish I was wittier, or at least had a back-bone to stand up for myself. She turned backwards to me and I mouthed _thank you_ with a look of complete embarrassment.

"I'll read for you." She shrugged and began continuing where Deidara had left off. Her voice was one you could listen to for hours, soft and nasally. It was just enough to distract me from my reality for just a moment.

I glanced down at my hands, hoping my dark blonde hair was enough to hide me. I'm so easily unsettled by comments about my spacing out. I can't help that my long-time self-proclaimed enemy was in my class.

I sat in that position for the rest of class, completely barring myself from any more confrontation.

* * *

"What the hell was that?" Sakura questioned, walking back towards me as the bell rang.

"What was what?" I played dumb, sliding my stuff into my backpack.

"You know what. You usually don't completely shut down like that. Hatake called on you another time after that and you were completely unresponsive." Sakura furrowed her eyebrows, obviously not buying my attempt at covering my emotions.

"He did?"

"That doesn't answer my question."

I got up and threw my backpack over my shoulder. I found myself walking around a desk to avoid her and walked out of the classroom of English hell.

"Fucking tell me, Kayla!" Sakura called out after me, chasing me down the hall, full of students just trying to make their ways to class, or talking. I wasn't that hard to spot though, my bright blue floral backpack was a dead giveaway in any situation.

"Look, I'm just embarrassed he called me out on daydreaming." I sighed.

"That happens all the time, literally you zoned out six times in History this morning." She laughed a little, finally catching up to me.

"Sakura, this was different!" I found my way to my locker absentmindedly, finding myself talking with a more whining tone than intended.

"How?" She raised her eyebrow at that, leaning against the locker next to mine.

Entering the combo, I grabbed out my Calculus textbook and looked at myself in my mirror. My hair was still as messy as it was this morning and my makeup wasn't even anywhere near done, yet it was almost 7th hour and there was literally no point in doing it at this point in the day.

"I was thinking about how much I hated that yellow-haired fuck and it embarrassed me 10x more than it should have. I don't really know why, but it happened you know?" I spoke in a low voice, as one of his friends had a locker a few down from mine. I think her name was Konan, but at the same time she didn't really talk to anyone besides her friends, so I only knew her by rumors.

"You're such a baby. I could be having sex day-dreams and not have any shame in telling my teacher what was going on in my head."

"Well not everyone has your shameless attitude and I certainly don't." I growled a little at her comment. I'm not going to lie, I love Sakura, but her attitude on certain things was a little forward.

"Chill the fuck out and get a hold of yourself. You're never going to make it in college if you don't reach out a little; maybe getting rid of your life long grudge of him might make you feel better." Both things she said worried me, in a catastrophic way.

"Stop it." I let out a dramatic sigh. "I know, it's just something about him makes me so angry! I literally haven't spoken to him since kindergarten." I fumed, slamming my locker shut.

"That's why. Literally there's no way he could be the same way he was in kindergarten. I'm not saying go up and be friends with the dude, but maybe some internal closure would be good for the soul." I could tell Sakura was irritated that I was still in my feelings, but being the good friend she is, she was offering me ways out, like always.

"Sakura, I've seen the shit he does and heard the shit he says. If anything, he's worse."

"Now you're just being a drama queen." She let out a loud laugh and began pulling me off in the direction of the math hall. "You're a senior alright, but still hold grudges like a two-year-old."

"Fuck off."

"You know it's true, brat." She stuck her tongue out at me. "Look, how about you come over tonight and we will let your frustration out on a game of Wii Sports? Like when we were kids."

"Aren't you hanging out with Shikamaru though?" I asked and realized we had reached her College Algebra classroom.

"I see him everyday. We've been dating for 6 months, he can handle my one day of rescheduling. If anything, it'll give him a chance to hang out with his friends. I haven't hung out with you in so long." She was literally pouting. Her lips pursing like dog stung on the lips, which wasn't pretty and was a sight to behold.

"I'll think about it." I walked off, giving her a quick wave goodbye as I walked across the hall to my next class. As the entirety of my friends around me either had boyfriends or other friends to hang out with on certain days, I was pretty wary of taking them away from other people. Somedays I really loved being by myself, but other days I wasn't so sure it was as heathy for myself as I thought it was.

I lied.

Okay I didn't really lie that much… It's just I told my teacher I was going to the nurse and ended up taking my backpack and leaving. I just felt this strong urge of regret the second I waked out the side doors the school. I really could've used the extra 20 minutes of review for my Calculus test tomorrow, but the fact it was only time for my individual review was too much for me today.

I felt relief shred over me as I realized the security guards had already left for the day, their car parked in their marked spot by the entrance. I think I was more concerned with getting caught, as ironic as that sounds. It isn't really like me to cut out of school before it ends, at least by myself.

I threw myself into my driver's seat, feeling my anxiety completely diminish. I'm such a bitch, I laughed a little bit at my innocence and glanced down at my phone.

 **Five Unread Texts**

"Oh?" I swiped up, putting in my passcode and had to check. I usually rarely get any text messages, let alone this many at once.

 _ **2:15**_ **Sakura: Yo, are we on?**

 _ **2:17**_ **Sakura: Taking your silence as a yes, see you at 4.**

 _ **2:36**_ **Gaara: Hey, could you send me the History Notes? Thx.**

 _ **2:40**_ **Mom: What time will you be home?**

 **2:46 Mom: I know you have your phone. Tell me.**

Well guess I'm doing something tonight and Gaara isn't getting any History notes, because I wasn't even fully awake in that class anyway. We weren't even close friends, he just really uses me for homework. Not bothering to reply to either Gaara or Sakura, I immediately replied to my mother.

 _ **2:50**_ **Me: Sorry, I'll be home around 9 probably. Sakura and I have plans.**

Unwilling, but they were plans.

* * *

"Look, I could totally get you together with someone." Sakura suggests, while browsing through the Bra section of Macy's.

"You damn well know I could not live with any of Shika's friends." I rolled my eyes, watching her pick up the laciest one she could find and examining the price tag. Her pink hair covered most of her face, but her lips were curved in a smile as she put it in her shopping bag.

"You haven't given any of them a second glance since we all hung out on New Years." She laughed. "A date or two won't hurt. From what Shika says, they think you're hot." She wiggled her eyebrows, causing me to blush a bright red.

"That's not what I want to hear! They'd date anything with a pair of tits!" I managed to squeak out.

A laughed emerged from the otherside of the rack, with a face only rumors know.

"Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry!" I apologized profusely, realizing it was none other than _the_ Konan.

"No, I'm sorry." She chucked, "I was the one eavesdropping." She looked at me with a smile warmer than most. I felt myself relax almost instantly. Sakura remained silent.

"You're Konan, right? We go to the same school." I twiddled with my fingers a bit, a little nervous that we were talking over bras and this conversation started off with tits.

"I'm so sorry, I'll be honest with you, I have no idea what your name is."

"I wouldn't doubt it. You're a little too far up on the popularity scale for me." I looked over to Sakura who nodded slightly in agreement. "I'm Kayla and this is Sakura."

"Hello." She smiled slightly, walking around the rack. "I recognize your face, that's for sure." She glanced at me, waiting for something to click in her head. Jesus, she's so much taller than I thought she'd be and her blue hair was much more vibrant.

"We're in the same locker row, aren't we?" She questioned, raising her eyebrow at the bra Sakura had in her bag, but choosing not to say anything.

"Actually yeah!"

"That's where the familiarity comes from then. I'll see you around, okay? I was only looking." She started to walk off and I was left kind of stunned she even acknowledged me or talked. I thought everyone said she didn't talk to people outside the Akatsuki.

"What the fuck?" Sakura manages to say, after a few seconds of silence.

"She's so nice!" I whispered excitedly, it's been a while since someone was so genuinely nice to me.

"She really was… I'm kind of upset I didn't talk."

"Why don't we ask her to hang out with us? I'm almost 100% sure she's shopping by herself…"

"Kayla, stop it. That's weird to just ask someone like that… KAYLA!" I was already off by the middle of her sentence.

"Konan! Wait up!" I raised my voice a little, winding through the perfume department after her. She turned around just in time for me to make myself look a total idiot.

"Yeah?" She gave a confused expression, raising her eyebrows slightly as she watched myself slump over and put my hands on my knees.

"Would you wanna maybe hang around with us? We were going to go to Garage and Forever21 after this. I mean you totally don't have to, but it's just if you laughed at what I said maybe you'd wanna hear more of the stupid shit I'd have to say?" I was totally rambling at this point, I wasn't really good with the whole socializing and making friends thing, it was just if this was going to be my reaching out, I had to put myself in the awkward situation of being the one to ask a total stranger to hang out with us.

She was silent for a bit, her face was completely blank and I felt myself sink into my knees. Oh god, I did I just ask the wrong question? Did that come off weird? Is she annoyed? Is she-

"Sure. I'd love to hear the stupid stuff you'd have to say."

"Really?" I asked earnestly, feeling the pit in my stomach go away.

"Of course, maybe it'll be a fun for once not shopping by myself or with dudes." She grinned from ear to ear and I felt myself ease into happiness. Maybe her being Deidara's friend wasn't so bad after all.

Of course I was going to regret that.

* * *

 **Okay, because leave me a review if you read this or if you have any thoughts on this. I'm going to be uploading on an every few days basis for quite a while and I just want to have any feedback if at all. Shit, if it's horrible fucking tell me. I'd love to know.**

 **Thank you :)**


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